Earn your living honestly

This morning I woke up with a sore throat and a cold coming up. I felt like I couldn’t be sick because I needed to write something beautiful about the fourth precept. I started working diligently. Nothing inspired me. My head started to hurt. My shoulders felt tense. I felt completely blocked.

Last week I felt so creative and inspired. I felt an urge to express myself somehow. Every time I sat behind my computer the words just came out. Where did this feeling suddenly go? And more important, how could I get it back?

I must have become attached to the outcome. After three blogs, the fourth needed to come to life, pronto! Profound and perfect, please. My mind took over and I knew it.

I started my self-treatment. My mind wondered off to the Ki-Aikido workshop ‘Way to Harmony’ I did only two weeks ago, where I was struggling with the sword work. Paul Mitchell said: “What are we doing?” I said “pushing”. “He said what do we want?” I said “dropping”. “Yeeeeeeeeees” he said, “and now, put your heart forward.” Gently he put his hand on my back and lead my body in an uncomfortable open position. My body felt unsafe, unprotected. I took a deep breath and practiced and practiced until I could do the exercise soft and easy, without pushing, with my heart open. I found out that by being present with my heart open, the sword dropped effortlessly. Sword-work became sword-dance.

When I finished my self-treatment I remembered: just put my heart forward.